Q: Dear Valorie,
I hate to say it, but I am dreading the holidays. I live in Houston while most of my family, including my parents, lives in Maryland. My boyfriend and I broke up over the summer. Many of my friends are now married or have their own families and I just feel like the holidays are irrelevant to me at this stage of my life. I have a great job and good friends, but somehow I feel a little lonely this year. Maybe the holidays are for families and not single people. I don’t want to go home because my 42 year-old sister died last year and it’s very sad returning home without her being there. I’m thinking about ignoring the holidays this year. What do you think?
A:
I am so sorry to hear about your sister. It is extremely painful to lose someone you love and it sounds like you are still mourning your loss. Of course, I am sure your parents are deeply pained by her death, too, and would love to see another of their daughters during the holidays. Moving forward by spending time with your family might be a part of the healing process for you. The holidays certainly are not just for families, but if you have family who loves you, it is a wonderful time of year to get to see them. So I ask you to reconsider whether you will go see family during the holidays. It may turn out to be a great decision!
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The death of your sister and your breakup are both losses that it will take time to recover from. Give yourself the time you need and seek counseling, if you need it. You may find it very helpful in the process.
Lastly, you have so much to be grateful for – family, good friends, and a great job. Make an intentional decision to focus some time and energy on doing something special for someone in need this holiday season. Sometimes, the best way to lift your spirits is to focus on helping someone less fortunate than yourself. It will put a whole new perspective on your life.
Life coach and professional speaker Valorie Burton is the author of several books, including What's Really Holding You Back? and Listen to Your Life. Subscribe to her FREE e-newsletter at www.valorieburton.com.
