WASHINGTON -- I wonder at this time of year, when it's so obvious that many of us have so much, do we really appreciate the plight of those who have so little? I pose the question because for weeks now, I've been thinking about the dozens of letters I received following a column in which I recommended the book, ``Is Bill Cosby Right? Or Has the Black Middle Class Lost Its Mind?'' by Michael Eric Dyson.
    
Dyson was responding to comments made by comedian Bill Cosby during a ceremony last year commemorating the 50th anniversary of the Supreme Court's Brown v. Board of Education decision that ended segregation in the public schools. Cosby launched into a rant against lower- and lower-middle-class blacks, who he feels are largely responsible for their economic condition. Dyson criticized Cosby for his lack of empathy for the poor and ignoring the sociological, political and economic factors that keep those in poverty from achieving more.
    
The majority of people who wrote to me said the poor get what they deserve. The writers described themselves as black, white, old, young, Republican and Democrat. What they said disheartened me:
     -- ``We would live in a much better world if people pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps instead of waiting for a handout.''
     -- ``Bottom line, most people are poor because they choose to be poor. They choose to buy a new car instead of buying a used car and investing the difference. They choose to buy new clothes instead of shopping at thrift stores (as I do) and investing the difference.''
     -- ``Many poor, of all colors, are where they are because they are foolish with their money, integrity and philosophy.''
     -- ``Why should a loafer have a right to the same level of material comfort as a hard worker?''
     -- ``We must never lose sight of the fact that people themselves determine their own destiny and any people, group or person that refuses to grasp that fact is doomed to failure and weakness. My father did not graduate from high school until 28 and drank heavily. I, despite this, earned three degrees including a Ph.D. with virtually no cultural or familial support beyond tuition.''

 
    
Often people defended their tirade against the underprivileged by recounting how they were raised poor but through their own fortitude, had overcome poverty. Good for those who have overcome a poor background. But that doesn't give them the right to despise others who haven't.
    
I hate the expression ``pull yourself up by your own bootstraps'' because no one gets where they are in life without some help or guidance. There are so many factors that determine who makes it and who doesn't. I grew up in a low-income environment. But I didn't get out of it just on my own accord.
    
First and foremost, I was fortunate enough to end up living with my grandmother after my parents abandoned me. Then I got sick. I developed juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. I lost the use of my legs and, as a result, was hospitalized for several months. Two hospital workers, a nurse and my physical therapist, became my mentors and godmothers. They took me on trips. They took me to restaurants for the first time in my life. They exposed me to things my grandmother couldn't afford on her low-income salary. They showed me a life I could have if I had a career.
    
My grandmother taught me how to be frugal. But Big Mama wasn't much help when it came to applying to college. I got that push from my high school counselor who literally hounded me until I applied for a journalism scholarship. I didn't want to apply because I didn't believe in myself. But she did. I won that scholarship and it changed the course of my life. What so many people who wrote to me failed to see is that they too probably were helped by their parents, a teacher, a coach, somebody who cared -- who empathized with them. What if Big Mama hadn't taken me in and I had ended up in foster care? What if my counselor hadn't made me apply for that scholarship?
    
Those who have succeeded often don't have sympathy for the poor, because they focus on the fact that they've ``made'' it. But they aren't truthful about how they made it. It is like adults who are enraged at teenagers for being immature, as if they themselves were born mature. Certainly, we should not absolve folks of their personal responsibility. The poor have to handle their money better. They do have to make better choices.
    
But who in their right mind would choose to be poor? The poor do pay dearly for their poor choices. Show some mercy for the poor this holiday season, and all year long for that matter. They deserve our compassion, not our hatred.

Listen to Michelle Singletary discuss personal finance every Tuesday on NPR's ``Day to Day.'' To hear her reports online go to www.npr.org. Readers can write to her c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St., N.W., Washington, D.C. 20071. Her e-mail address is singletarym@washpost.com. Comments and questions are welcome, but due to the volume of mail, personal responses may not be possible. Please also note comments or questions may be used in a future column, with the writer's name, unless a specific request to do otherwise is indicated.

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