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Suffering in Silence: What to do if you are a victim of Domestic Violence
Know the Signs - The federal Office on Violence Against Women lists these obvious (and not-so-obvious) signs that you may be a victim of abuse.
- Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair-pulling, etc. Physical abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing the person to use alcohol or drugs.
- Sexual Abuse: Forcing or attempting to force someone to have sex, attacking the sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after a physical attack or treating someone in a sexually demeaning manner.
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Emotional Abuse: Undermining someone’s self-worth, including constant criticism, diminishing one’s abilities, name calling or hurting one’s relationship with his or her children.
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Economic Abuse: Controlling financial resources, barring access to money or forbidding someone to attend school or to have a job to prevent him or her from having personal resources.
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Psychological Abuse: Intimidating someone physically or emotionally; threatening to harm one’s self, partner, children, family or friends; hurting or killing pets; damaging property and/or isolating someone from family, friends, school or work.
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ALWAYS BE PREPARED - Experts say victims tend to leave their abusers gradually. If you are in an abusive situation, be prepared to sneak away and have a plan for how you will do it and where you will go.
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Know where to go for help. Memorize emergency numbers and enter them into your cell phone. Have an established place where you can go if you need to flee.
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Keep an emergency bag with important documents, money and spare keys at a “safe house” or give it to a relative or family member you trust.
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You may request a police standby or escort while you leave or if you need to return to collect belongings.
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If you have ended the relationship and you cannot move to a new location, change the locks on your door and add new ones, if necessary. Secure your windows. Get an unlisted number and screen your calls. Have an escape route out of your home and make sure your children know it, too.
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If you have children and your abuser has permission to pick them up from school or day car, remove his name from the list. Work out a legal remedy for visitation and have a third-party party drop off and pick up the children from a neutral site.
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Tell your neighbors about your situation and ask them to call the police if they see the abuser near your home. Also, set up a signal, such as a special phone ring or position for the shades to signal trouble so that your neighbors will be alerted to call police.
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Talk to a local battered women’s shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to you BEFORE you have to use them.
KNOW WHAT TO DO If you are being attacked/abused:
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Avoid small places where you can be trapped, such as the bathroom or a closet.
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Stay out of the kitchen where the attacker could use knives or other implements to hurt you.
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Go to a room with a door or window through which you can escape. Lock the door behind you if you can. Make sure your children know where to hide or where to flee if they can escape. The best thing for older children to do is run for help, not stay to try to protect you.
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Keep a cell phone with you at all times or try to flee to a room with a phone.
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Call 911, try to stay calm and give the dispatcher specifics and get his/her name. If police come to the scene, get the names of the officer(s).
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Document any evidence of physical abuse, such as photographs, police reports, etc. Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible.
ONCE YOU’VE LEFT Once you’ve escaped an abusve relationship:
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If you don’t have one, get a restraining order.
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Ask a lawyer who specializes in domestic violence cases or get a domestic violence program to help you get a protection order and to determine what steps you need to take once you leave.
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Be aware that the complainant’s address is on the document. Consider renting a post office box to receive mail. Get caller ID on your new telephone.
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