Oh the joys of summer.
As parents, we actually get a break from homework, after school sports, dance, gymnastics and countless other enrichment activities for the kids. So, now what? With the kids at home and we more extra time, the house is clean and all of the kids chores are done, right? Wrong. The kids actually have nothing to do but eat themselves into oblivion, watch TV until their eyes shut, or play video games until their thumbs hurt. Now more than ever we need a plan of action.
One of the most frequent questions that I get from parents is “How do I motivate my kids?” When I ask, “What would you like for them to do?” some reply, “Something, anything, I just want them to move.” Herein lies part of the problem: as a parent, you have to know what you want them to do. The big “G” word, GOALS, which everyone talks about, is a part of the solution. So much of what we do in life has to do with goal setting. Because it is such an integral component of success, it is the first strategy we will explore for motivating your kids.
When I recently conducted a motivational survey for parents, I found that 74% of the parents indicated that it is a challenge to motivate their kids to do chores. Because this is such a problematic area for parents, we will use chores to illustrate effective strategies to motivate your kids to action.
Give the children you love a headstart for the new school year
Know exactly what you want them to do and accomplish.
As parents we are guilty of speaking in generalities. We make such demands as clean the house, do your homework, or take care of the dog. Instead, make a list of what you want them to accomplish. Spell out the tasks you want completed. After you know what you want done, write it down and share the list with your kids. This important step will crystalize for them exactly what you expect them to do.
If I Have to Tell You One More Time...6 Keys to Motiviating Your Children
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
First Key - Accountability
The first key to motivating your kids to A-C-T-I-O-N is accountability. You may be surprised and ask yourself, “What does accountability have to do with motivation?” We all need to have someone that we have to answer. I’m sure that you are thinking, “Well, of course I am the one who holds my child accountable for their actions. When they didn’t clean up their room, they had to answer to me.” Nevertheless, what do you do to make sure that it is done? I know many times we are driven to the point where we shake our heads and say, “They won’t ever learn,” or “How many times do I have to tell them” while we are bending over picking up their clothes off the floor.
Let’s look at how accountability works in many of the activities that our children are involved. Who motivates the players and coaches to play honestly? The referees. Well sometimes that works. But just imagine what it would be like if there was no one to judge the game and make sure there was some sense of order. Sometimes there is drama when the referee is there. In addition, you know some of the parents really get into the games and want to run the coach, the referees and the players. It’s all because of accountability. The values that the kids learn in sports are so valuable in terms of unity, team spirit, and accountability.
Teaching Responsibility
To raise responsible kids, kids have to be given a chance to be responsible. As parents, we are reluctant to let loose of that which allows children to make their own choices and face the consequences of their actions.
For example, three of my children attended the school that is just a block away from where we live. After several reminders of making sure that everyone had their items in their backpack, off to school they go. There were several occasions when I would notice that someone had left his or her homework on the counter. I would say to myself, “I told them to keep up with their things, they are just going to have to learn. “
Then that other parenting side would kick in. You know the one where the conversation goes something like this; “Oh my poor baby, they forgot their homework, and now they will probably miss recess and have to sit in the monitoring room. I know that they want to be with their friends, besides it will only take me five minutes to jump in the car and run it to the office. I want them to have a great day.” Vroom! And I would head out the door. So what lesson was I teaching? You need to be responsible young lady, but if you are not, I will come to your rescue. It was only after a few missed recesses and monitoring room sessions that they got the message – “You have to be responsible for your own things.”
Okay so now let’s give them some responsibility. If you have more than one child, hand over the power of accountability. By that I mean, when you assign your chores, have the children take turns being in charge of marking the chart and determining who has completed their chores or not. It will almost assure you that at least one person, the monitor, will have their chores done. Since they are holding someone else accountable, they will be motivated to complete their own task. Think about what a little power delegation can do.
Action Steps-
- Know what you want them to do
- Write down specific task so they won’t forget or pretend they didn’t hear you
- Follow up to make sure that the task has been completed
- Set time limits and guidelines around TV and video games.
We are just getting started. Stay tuned for key number two. Until next time- Stay motivated!
Dr. Gladney has presented speeches and training sessions throughout North America to educational institutions, businesses, organizations and churches. She has succeeded as an elementary, middle schoolteacher, and college professor. She has written several books, including her latest entitled, If I Have to Tell You One More Time… 6 Keys to Motivating Your Kids. She has a Ph.D. in Instructional Psychology and Technology, a Masters in Educational Psychology, and a B.S. in Elementary Education.
