Now that you have been introduced to the first key, Accountability, and had a week to work through some of the activities, I hope that you have found that it has helped to make a difference in getting things done that you have assigned. Of course there is no magic to the formula, it’s just takes consistency on your part and a strong desire to have more structure and less stress in your home.
Now let’s take a look at the second key:Challenge
You may think how does this relate to motivation? Believe it or not, having difficulties present or making a task challenging helps to increase motivation. At first, that concept may sound a bit unusual, but if you think about it in your own life, it makes a lot of sense. Is your job stimulating and exciting? Or, has the routine of your job and the fact that you can do your job with your eyes closed, decreased your motivation?
Challenges tend to arouse and stimulate the brain, which in turn excite and increase motivation. Studies have been conducted which correlate dopamine, a chemical in our brain, with the amount of energy and motivation that we have. So when you hear your kids say that I am bored, what they are really saying is that I am not being challenged right now. I need stimulation. In examining the definition of challenge it means to arouse or stimulate especially by presenting with difficulties. How do we do that in our home? First, let’s take a look at how it works with something that is familiar to all of us, sports.
Have you ever wondered how the coaches keep athletes so motivated? Some of it has to do with the level of difficulty in the sport itself. When we take our kids to practice and watch the work out routine, the tasks they are being asked to do are challenging. They are always being asked to challenge themselves by stretching their ability to the next level.
There are many teams that have lost games because their motivation was decreased to play their opponent because they assumed or believed that the other team was not going to be a challenge.
Competition brings about challenges that help to increase motivation. We have all sat through games, recitals, and track meets and watched our kids contend with their opponents. As parents, there are times when you find it can be a challenge to keep your kids motivated to go to practice and participate in their chosen sport in spite of the competition and challenge involved. In this situation, avoid allowing them to give up on something because they may think that it is boring or they are tired of it. Teach them that because they have made a commitment, they have to honor it. This really helps to teach a lesson of value in becoming a responsible adult.
If I Have to Tell You One More Time...6 Keys to Motiviating Your Children
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
Levels of Difficulty
There has to be a balance in the level of difficulty within each task. We have to maintain stimulation without sending them over the edge. If you were training for a marathon, would you start the first day running five miles? If you had to start with running five miles, you would shut down because that task is too overwhelming. You are beaten before you start. On the other hand, if the task at hand poses little or no challenge at all, then that too can adversely affect performance. So how can you help balance the challenge?
Begin by building on small successes
Think about when you say, “Get in there and clean up your room.” Your child’s reaction is a long mad face and they don’t know where to start. I know the feeling as I have walked into my kids’ rooms and have been literally overwhelmed, shoes, clothes and stuff everywhere. I know that we specifically designed a nice closet so this would not happen. I know that if I felt overwhelmed, they did too. With children, you can see that the task of cleaning their room can appear to be too difficult and they may feel defeated even before they start. To help overcome this challenge, break the task down into smaller steps so they can build on the success.
For example, if you want them to clean their room - Divide up the task into these steps.
1. Pick up all the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper.
2. Pick up all clean clothes and put them on hangers.
3. Put all toys in the toy box.
4. Straighten the books on the shelves.
5. Make your bed. (Some rooms may be in worse shape and require several additional steps. Plan your steps according to the amount of work needed and the nature of your child.
Can you see how by breaking the task into steps; you can provide your child with a sense of direction and a sense of accomplishment after completing the first step? It sounds so much better than, “If I have to tell you one more time, clean your room.”
It is easy to find yourself, as the parent, telling your kids what they didn’t do or what was not done correctly. Instead, try to focus on the positive and remember to give constructive feedback. An example of constructive feedback may be, “I like the way you put your clothes in your drawer, make sure that they are folded neatly so it is easier to close.” Even if the clothes are not folded as neatly as you would have done it or maybe perhaps, they are not all facing the same direction, let it go. Give them an A for effort.
Action Steps
1. Look for ways to turn boring mundane task into something challenging. For example, when folding the laundry, set the timer and start a race.
2. Make sure that tasks are not too difficult and overwhelming or it will decrease their motivation.
3. Break larger task into small steps.
4. Build on success with praise and constructive feedback.
Stay tuned for key number three next week.
Until next time- Stay motivated!
Dr. Gladney has presented speeches and training sessions throughout North America to educational institutions, businesses, organizations and churches. She has succeeded as an elementary, middle schoolteacher, and college professor. She has written several books, including her latest entitled, If I Have to Tell You One More Time… 6 Keys to Motivating Your Kids. She has a Ph.D. in Instructional Psychology and Technology, a Masters in Educational Psychology, and a B.S. in Elementary Education.
