What makes you feel loved in a relationship? Is it flowers? A gentle caress? Sweet nothings whispered in your ear? Or is it simply time spent together enjoying each other’s company? Chances are, there are certain things your significant other or spouse can do that make bigger deposits into your love account than others. And there are certain things he or she can do that can put that same account into the red. One of the steps to a successful relationship is both partners understanding what makes the other feel most loved and respected, and mutually giving that on a regular basis. They key that unlocks your heart is not the same key that opens your partner’s heart. In the hectic pace of everyday life, relationships often get disconnected. But a heart-to-heart connection comes from truly listening to and understanding your partner.
One of the biggest issues that occurs in relationships is that one partner guesses what the other needs. And they often guess wrong because they guess from their own perspective. In other words, a wife or girlfriend will give her husband or boyfriend what she wants rather than giving him what he wants. Likewise, a man will give his wife or girlfriend what he wants from the relationship, not the things that are most important to her. This month, don’t guess what your sweetheart wants, just ask. Pay attention to the answer you get back. To deepen your relationship, start doing the things that your partner tells you are most meaningful. Here are four simple, important questions you can ask:
- What makes you feel most loved?
Remember, what makes you feel loved may be different than what makes your significant other feel loved. Make sure you know the difference.
- What makes you feel respected?
Respect is essential for a strong relationship. Often, a person can feel disrespected by his or her spouse without the spouse even realizing how hurtful the words or actions are.
- What makes you feel unloved?
Just as it is important to know what makes your sweetheart feel loved, it is essential to know what leaves him or her feeling unloved. Perhaps she needs to hear “I love you” more often or he wants to hear you say you are proud of him – and not hearing these things allows frustration to build.
- What makes you feel disrespected?
It is easy to undo all of the love and goodwill you’ve been working towards by doing the opposite of what your partner needs. Knowing what leaves your partner feeling disrespected or unloved can be just as important as knowing what makes them feel loved and respected.
It’s been said often that communication is the key to a good relationship. But good communication must be followed up with loving actions. Based on your partner’s answers, what is one small change you’d be willing to make in your interactions?
Professional life coach Valorie Burton is the author of five books, including her latest, How Did I Get So Busy? The 28-Day Plan to Free Your Time, Reclaim Your Schedule and Reconnect with What Matters Most. Subscribe to her free e-newsletter at www.valorieburton.com.
