Q: Dear Valorie,
I am frustrated because some in my family are not supportive of my goals and dreams. Whenever I talk about what I really want to do, they make snide remarks or question why I can’t just be satisfied with what I have. I don’t understand why they have to be this way. How do I overcome the negativity?
A:
Recognize that others’ negativity is not about you – it’s about them. Once you accept that, it becomes easier to let go of the hurt their negativity may cause. People who don’t dream are far less likely to support those who do. And those who dream, but are fearful that you reaching your dream somehow threatens their dream can be full of negativity, too. There are a few ways to handle this so you can focus bringing your dreams to life:
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1. Don’t expect their support.
When you set expectations that people are simply not going to meet, you set yourself up for disappoint. It may make you sad to accept, but in the end you will be healthier if you stop expecting certain members of your family to be supportive.
2. Make friends with positive people.
You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. Actively seek out like-minded, supportive friends. Reach out to new friends. Get involved with activities that reflect your goals and dreams – and connect with people who share your interests. And for family support, rely on the family member who is supportive. You said “some” in your family aren’t supportive – well, don’t share your dreams with them. Stick to other topics of discussion.
3. Address any criticisms that have some truth to them.
Do a little soul-searching to distinguish between someone being negative and someone being constructively critical. For example, Do you need a better plan? Do your finances need to be improved before launching that business? Are there legitimate considerations you’re ignoring? Perhaps a family member could have expressed their opinion in a gentler way, but that doesn’t always mean the content of what was said isn’t worth considering.
4. Encourage yourself!
It is great to have a supportive family and friends, but if you don’t, refuse to let it be a barrier to your success. Ultimately, you are responsible for the dreams that are near and dear to your heart. Don’t breathe in others’ negativity and engage in positive self-talk.
5. Don’t harbor resentment.
Choose to forgive and not hold a grudge against the unsupportive people in your life. You need all of your energy to be focused in a positive direction.
Warm wishes,
Valorie
Professional life coach Valorie Burton is the author of several books, including her latest, Why Not You? 28 Days to Authentic Confidence. Subscribe to her free, weekly e-newsletter at www.valorieburton.com.
