Q:
Dear Valorie,
I am a divorced mother of two adult daughters. Since becoming single again ten years ago, I have found it very difficult to find a relationship with a man that is worth maintaining. Now, I rarely date because I am so sick of being disappointed. Recently, my frustration with relationships has increased as I watch my daughters end up heart broken. I don’t want to believe that true love is a fairy tale, but it’s pretty hard not to. Even those I know who are married don’t seem all that happy. I want to be happy. I want to believe love is possible for me, but I am tired of the wait. How do I keep the faith when it seems Mr. Right will never show up?
Thanks,
“Holding on” in Chicago
AP Video
A:
I sense that you have hope, but as the years pass, the hope is fading. There are several things I want you to remember:
1. Happiness begins within.
Being in a loving relationship does not guarantee happiness. A loving relationship certainly contributes to a feeling of happiness, but you must not buy into the notion that being in a relationship equals happiness. Focus on identifying and creating experiences that bring you joy. Are you living a purposeful, passionate life? Is there something you’ve been holding off on as you wait for “Mr. Right”? Is it time to get to a healthier weight or pursue the career you truly want? Is it time to slow down and enjoy your life more? Identify the things you can control that bring you joy, and focus on maximizing your fulfillment in those areas.
2. Resist the urge to generalize men or relationships.
Although you’ve had some frustrating experiences, and so have your daughters, resist the temptation to put all men and relationships into one category. After all, you only need the one man that is meant for you. Even if all others are Mr. Wrong, that has no bearing on whether Mr. Right is on his way.
3. Trust divine timing.
Sometimes the length of time we have to wait to get what we want feels excruciating. Yet, God’s timing is always perfect. It may not feel that way right now, but one of the keys to faith is patience. You asked how to “keep the faith.” Faith means hoping for something and behaving and speaking in a way that says, “I don’t know when it’s coming, but I know that it is. And because it is coming, I will keep persevering until it arrives.”
Warm wishes,
Valorie
Professional life coach Valorie Burton is the author of several books, including her latest, Why Not You? 28 Days to Authentic Confidence. Subscribe to her free, wee kly e-newsletter at www.valorieburton.com .
