Q: Dear Valorie,
My husband and I married on Valentine’s Day this year so this is our first holiday season together. He wants to visit his family in Chicago at Christmas and I really don’t want to. He has spent every Christmas with his family as an adult (he’s 34 years old). We even went there last year when we were engaged. It was cold up there in December and I missed not being with my family! I’d much rather stay home (we live in the same city as my family). I’ve expressed this to him, but he still insists we go. The idea of having to go to Illinois every Christmas for the rest of my life does not make me happy. I want to be supportive, but how do I help him see that my traditions are just as important as his? How can I get him to agree that we need to stay home this year?
A:
You’re right. He should not expect you to spend every Christmas with his family. It’s all about compromise. You have an advantage in that you live in the same city as your family and get to see them regularly. So the holidays offer him an opportunity to see family that he does not normally see often.
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Perhaps you can alternate – spending Thanksgiving with your family and Christmas with his. Then next year, you’ll spend Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with yours. At some point, you may both decide you don’t want to spend the holidays with either of your families – perhaps you’ll stay home or go on vacation. If you eventually have children, there will come a time when you will want to create traditions at home with them and traveling might not be included in those traditions.
Have a conversation with your hubby this evening. Express your desire to compromise so that both of you will be happy. Give him your ideas and ask him for his. Then agree to something you both can live with. Happy Holidays!
Warm wishes,
Valorie
Life coach and professional speaker Valorie Burton is the author of several books, including What's Really Holding You Back? and Listen to Your Life. Subscribe to her FREE e-newsletter at www.valorieburton.com.
